Looking To Be Lost

I am a classic victim of "It feels like my life is falling apart some I'm going to do something drastic to my hair to make it feel like I'm still in some sort of control".

That old gem.

Luckily for me, I asked my colleague and good friend Laura to do it for me, and she happily did so... and I am over the MOON.

before

Granted, the quality of photo is shoddy and for some reason my general smug face just pisses me off a little bit, but I am so in love with what Laura has done to my little head. I'll break it down a little bit, as this was a PALAVER.

SO we had to bleach my hair in three sections. The ends and roots were rather light/uncoloured, and my mid sections had a chestnut dye from November. We used Jerome Russell's Bblonde Kits, which you have to pair with a peroxide (we used Vol 30 and Vol 40) and you may also need to buy the toner, which we used, and I highly recommend if you aren't a naturally occurring blonde. This took about 2 hours, and that was with two of us, even if all I really did was drink Sav and talk.

We then toned, which only took about 30 minutes, before mixing up the dyes. We used Directions Tulip Semi Permanent Dye on my mid sections and ends, and used Directions Flamingo Semi Permanent Dye on the roots. We attempted a backwards ombré. This was a last minute thing, as my roots came out pretty much white blonde, and we tried to utilise it for some neon bright roots, which worked pretty damn well. Directions advise that you leave the dye on for 15 minutes, but I would advise to ignore that. Leave the dye on for as long as possible, especially if its on freshly bleached hair. You want that shit on for at least 45 minutes to an hour. Directions hair dye literally reminds me of paint. You can mix colours and pretty much get what you expect, and the longer you leave it on, the longer it is going to soak in and stay.

The results are amazing and I literally cannot flaw it! But if I had to... this shit stains. Be aware of white bed sheets, and even light clothing. The first few days after a fresh dye are the going to be when you're guilty of leaving a slight tinge on those really nice bed sheets you were given for christmas... Sorry, Mum.

after

So, worth the time and effort, but Packet Dye instructions tend to be bullshit, so just be generous and take. your. time.

Until next time,

your local flamingo lady

I've written something along these lines once before, hated it, deleted it, so now I'm giving it another go.

I have dealt with a fairly basic case of depression for most of my teenage and young adult life. (I'm only 21 so if you hadn't noticed, I have a flair for the dramatic. "Young adult life" so the past three years then, right Paris?) What I have realised though, is that the best Pick Me Up there is, is a good old Pep Talk from yourself. And that is what this is.

Stop trying to make sure you're being 100% in every aspect of your life if you do not have the fight in you to do so. Work is getting to you and you're being a little shit around the office? That's okay. Start again after an evening of baths and shit Netflix. Your best mate is going through some dramas and you're too exhausted to take that phone call that's guaranteed to be 2 hours minimum? That's okay. Call her tomorrow.

I don't know why it took me so long, but despite doctors telling me "Be social!! Join a gym and go 18 times a week!! Give birth to a horse!!" (All great advise, though. Listen to your doctors.) But sometimes, a night in by yourself, a good bath and a healthy dinner, is a very good medicine. A lot of my personal stresses and pains came from feeling like I was letting people down all the time by not going to events or nights out and then forcing myself to go, and therefor making myself even more miserable.

Let us just be clear. I am not saying shut yourself away forever and be a hermit. I am saying go out, go to events, and go to see friends. But sometimes it's okay to say no, and put your own feelings and needs first. Once I got rid of the feeling of "But ____ will be so angry that I'm not there!", life was a helluva lot less draining. Sometimes your energy is more important than someone else's, and that is okay. Also walks are good. SO GOOD. THEY ARE GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL.

This post is essentially pointless, but I guess some low level rambling never hurt nobody!

The past 12 months of my life have been a shit storm, if I put it bluntly. The person I was on the 10th of April 2016 was a very different person to who I am now, which might have had an impact on me deleting every post I ever made before this moment.

I was employed with an awful coffee company in Eastbourne, lived with my mother and found myself in the same day-to-day routine of going to work, and then deciding whether to spend any free time asleep, or just in bed, staring at the damp ceiling that, in time, I liked to think was a reflection of myself. I was mould. I was decaying and ruining anything around me and I was fully aware of it.

I am forever grateful to the sleazy bosses, the tinder dates and the 2 for 1 wines that the Tesco seemed to always have, as you all gave me a good few months of entertainment.

Now, this is cliche as all hell, but I feel like I never understood what it meant to be lonely, until that famous spring of 2016. Post break up, leaving everyone I loved and thought I loved in a town that I never wanted to see again, and with enough spare time on my hands to grow plenty of resentment for any person I was once a part of. And trust me, I'm still trying to surrender some of that venom that my little head cannot help but make.

But then I moved out, slept on friend's sofas for about three months, convinced myself I was like a poetic teen movie and that working in a nightclub meant happiness and that my ex boyfriend would one day regret losing such a mysterious lonesome gal.

Goodness gracious.

Fast forward a little bit of emotional growth and some friends giving the slap around the back of the head that I quite obviously needed. I moved back into my old home town with someone I love very much, and his weird friend, and found that, although surroundings play a part, I am in charge of my own happiness.

I am truly sorry to the friends that had to deal with my immutable moaning and self obsessive romanticising of... bullshit.

So now I work in a place I, for the moment, love. I live without constantly searching for something to link my depression to, and instead just have the odd rough day. This is all on the up, and I'm feeling pretty good about the whole "living" thing.

God, that was pungent.

Paris

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